"Eep Opp Ork Ah Ah" Means I'm Crazy

The other day Anne Heche was on The View to promote her new movie, Cedar Rapids.  I thought to myself, "Yes!  Barbara's gonna bring up that interview!".  You know...the one where Heche called herself "Celestia" and claimed she spoke to god in alien language, which she then proceeded to use in the interview with Ms. Walters.  But, no.  No mention.  Typical.  I just wish Barbara would have said, "Tell me...have you spoken to god lately, Celestia?".  Instead, there was a whole lot of ass kissing and Hollywood hoopla.  Because she's an actress, she's an artist and not crazy.  In other words, if David Koresh or some other nut job who thought they were the messiah was an actor, then we'd be praising them for their work.  "Did you see David Koresh in the Notebook.  I love him!"  Hollywood is lame.

Cake Pops Are The New Cupcake

Cupcakes.  They're everywhere.  It was one of the biggest food trends in the past couple of years.  And people were going nuts for them.  Myself included.  People all over were leaving their careers just to start a cupcake business.  Now you can't turn a corner without seeing a cupcake store.  Or, turn on the tv without seeing a cupcake war.  And like any major trend it became played.  Cupcakes are over...man!  

And then I saw it.  Move over cupcake here comes the Cake Pop.  A delicious bite of yummy cake on a stick.  Just a taste of indulgence.  (Did I really just write that?  Fuck it, it stays.  Cause that's what it is.)  I bought this cake pop from good 'ol Starbucks and it was awesome.  I crave it.  Maybe I'll start a cake pop business.  I think there's a cupcake store down the street for sale. 

What's In Your Water?

I just found out that there are 19 pollutants in my tap water.  11 of which exceed the legal limit.  (I was wondering why I suddenly grew gills.)

Find out what's in your water:

Most and Least Contaminated Fruits and Veggies

Want to buy organic, but can't really afford to go all the way?  This might help...

Here is a list of the most and least contaminated foods according to the Environmental Working Group:

12 Most Contaminated aka "The Dirty Dozen" Peaches Apples Sweet Bell Peppers Celery Nectarines Strawberries Cherries Pears Grapes (Imported) Spinach Lettuce Potatoes 12 Least Contaminated Onions Avocado Sweet Corn (Frozen) Pineapples Mango Asparagus Sweet Peas (Frozen) Kiwi Fruit Bananas Cabbage Broccoli Papaya

Get The Guide from FoodNews.org:  (PDF)  (iPhone App)

Cancer, Hyperactivity, Allergic Reactions...Oh My!

I found this informative article on the dangers of synthetic food dyes.  Fifteen million pounds of this shit gets dumped into our food each year.  These dyes have been linked to cancer, hyperactivity and allergic reactions.  Europe requires a warning label on foods containing these dyes.  So, why don't we?

CSPI Says Food Dyes Pose Rainbow of Risks (article) (full report)

It's the End of the World As We Know It... And I'm Too Poor

Earthquakes, Tsunamis, Terrorism, the Mayan Calendar!  I'm obsessed with the world's newest hot topic... The End of Days.  And, apparently I'm not alone.  I often think about what I would do if the shit went down.  Sure, I can get an emergency preparedness kit, but that's just going to prolong my inevitable doom.  I mean...what's a 5 gallon bucket to poop in gonna do for me if it's the end?

Then I found it.  The company that promises luxury living in an apocalyptic society.  YES!  Vivos Doomsday Bunkers.  Said to withstand any disaster.  I thought, "This is it.  We're saved!"...until...I saw the price.  $50,000 per person.  Whah, whah!  Whose got $50,000 to spend on a what if?  I'll tell you who...the rich.  It's no longer survival of the fittest, but survival of the richest.  And again the poor are screwed.  I guess the post-apocalyptic society will include the likes of Donald Trump, Justin Bieber and the Kardashians.  On second thought, I choose death. 

Organic Brands and Their Ties To Major Corporations

Do you know someone that says, "I only buy organic brands.  I don't trust big corporate food brands"?  (Ok...I might have been that person.)  Well, now you can shut them up by informing them who really owns their trusted organic brand.

A chart posted on The Cornucopia Institute's website shows the top corporate food processors and the organic brands they own or have ties with:

The Princess and the Puke

From birth little girls are conditioned to believe that one day they may become a princess.  *Cue celestial light* and "Ahhhh!".  What's worse is that these girls believe that they are worthless unless they achieve royalty status and...well, Disney's notion of beautiful.  This even carries over into our adulthood.  Women (and some men) are absolutely obsessed with Kate Middleton and The Royal Wedding.  So obsessed that they will collect anything that commemorates this union.

Exhibit A: The Royal Sick Bag...

Nothing says "Congratulations" like a bag of sick.  Graphic Artist Lydia Leith created this paper gem.  My favorite part is the logo at the top.  A lovely crown with the words "Throne Up" below.  Thank you Lady Leith.  I love it!  God Save The Heave!

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I Whip My 'Dad's Fame' Back and Forth...

I'm probably gonna get a lot of shit for this, BUT I'm just gonna say it.  I cannot stand the Smith children.  They irk me.  I never knew a 13 and 11 year old could annoy me so badly.  The worst part...they're talentless!  But, because their father proclaimed that "Parents Just Don't Understand" back in 1988...we praise them.  Why?!  I bet DJ Jazzy Jeff's kids hate them too.

Look Mommy...I'm Lactating!

What the...?  Look, I'm all for breastfeeding, but a breastfeeding doll?  I understand teaching a young girl about breastfeeding, but the fact remains that they ARE going to walk around with this plastic thing attached to their non-boob.  I think the breastfeeding lesson can wait until they have their own babies.  Human ones.

You Tube: Baby Rips Up Dad's Job Rejection Letter

Millions have seen it...but I can't get enough of it.  What a great way to feel better about a bad situation. 

Slow Cooker: Spicy Beef Vegetable Soup

This is so easy to make...

Ingredients

• 1 pound ground beef
• 1 cup chopped onion
• 4 cups of beef broth
• 1 (30 ounce) jar meatless spaghetti sauce (use Fra Diavolo for extra spice)
• 1 (16 ounce) package frozen mixed vegetables
• 1 (10 ounce) can diced tomatoes and green chilies
• 1 (15 ounce) can of kidney beans
• salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. In a skillet over medium heat, cook beef and onion until meat is no longer pink; drain. Transfer to a slow cooker. Stir in the remaining ingredients. Cover and cook on low for 8 hours or high for 4 hours. 

• You can also substitute beef with chicken or turkey.  If substituting, be sure to change the broth to chicken or turkey as well. 

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Bangs! Without the Commitment

Yes!  No more cutting, straightening and fixing countless times a day.  I found affordable clip on bangs.  And they rock!  I had my friend and master stylist Fawn of Indigo Salon trim and color them to match my hair perfectly.  No more frizzing, kinking or curling.  Just straight up bang...awesome!

Get 'em!

Lipstick-n-Lollipops Playlist of the Week #1

Earth's Best? The Crap In Our "Organic" Baby Formulas

I was really trying to be a pseudo-crunchy mom for my kid.  I say "pseudo-crunchy" because honestly there were some things I just couldn't commit to... like cloth diapers.  So, when I discovered that I couldn't produce more than 2 ounces of breast milk per feeding and that I'd have to supplement I was pissed.  I wanted to be one of those moms that exclusively breastfeed until 1 year and then pumped until 2 years plus, but no such luck.  Life is never as you plan it.  I'd have to spare the enormous expense of formula.  Booo!

So, if I had to use formula then it was going to be organic.  I chose Earth's Best Infant Formula with DHA & ARA.  I mean, shit it says it right on the can... It's organic.  It's the Best!  But in a couple of days I would learn it was anything but the "Best".  It sucks.  For one reason... Life's DHA.

Let me break it down.... the ingredients in Earth's Best are good.  But, they add synthetic DHA and ARA (that's right...I said "synthetic" as in inorganic substance) into their "organic" formula.  DHA (docosahexaenoic acid) and ARA (arachidonic acid) are essential fatty acids found in breast milk and promote healthy brain and eye function.  However, the DHA and ARA found in Earth's Best Infant Formula, which is produced by the Martek Corporation and labeled as "Life's DHA" is derived from algae and fungus. They are produced using a potential neurotoxin known as hexane, a chemical made from crude oil.  These synthetic fatty acids have been linked to such gastrointestinal problems such as severe diarrhea, vomiting, dehydration, and gastrointestinal pain in some infants.  Poor babies.  So, your little one might not be "colic".  He or she might just be poisoned.  Don't just take my word for it.  Do the research yourself.

So, needless to say I've changed formulas.  I've switched to Baby's Only Organic Toddler Formula.  It's amazing.  It is the only formula that is truly organic.  Oh, and don't let the fact that it's called "Toddler Formula" discourage you.  They suggest that a baby be on breast milk until age 1.  And, as a result they advertise as a toddler formula, but it's totally safe for infants under 12 months.  I love it!

 I don't buy products with Life's DHA.  Look for this label if you don't want to either. Other products containing Life's DHA include:


For children and adults

• Wegmans Organic Yogurt (Fruit on the Bottom Super Yogurt) 
• Horizon Organic Milk 
• Stremicks Heritage Foods Organic Milk 
• ZenSoy Soy on the Go

 Baby Food (select products contain Martek’s DHA)

• Happy Bellies
• Plum Organics 
• Tasty Baby Organic Infant Cereal

Infant Formula (all organic infant formula products contain Martek’s DHA, with the exception of Baby’s Only Organic Toddler Formula).

• Bright Beginnings 
• Organic Earth’s Best Organic 
• Parent’s Choice Organic 
• Similac Organic
• Vermont Organics

The Holy Trinity of Make-up

In the name of the Mascara, the Blush, and the Tinted Moisturizer.  Amen!

If you're sick of looking like hell, but can't seem to find the time to get gussied up, stress no more.  All you need is a minute to put on your face with three simple steps.

1. Tinted Moisturizer.  It's tint.  It's moisturizer.  It's tinted moisturizer.  There is nothing a busy woman loves more than 2 in 1 steps.  If you're anything like me you can't go without moisturizing.  So, why not get a moisturizer with foundation in it.  Your skin will look good and feel great.  I recommend Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturizer.  It's lightweight and gives you great coverage.   
2. Blush.  Yes, yes...you can pinch your cheeks.  But, these days rouge is not for just whores.  It takes 2 seconds to brush on some blush.  I recommend Nars Orgasm.  I know the name suggests that we might just be whore-ish.  But, it truly is a great shade for all skin colors.  And it's fun to tell people you're wearing orgasm on your face.
3. Mascara.  Quite simply, mascara makes your eyes pop.  Whether black, brown or the dreaded blue, mascara is a great way to prevent "I need sleep" face.  I recommend Dior Show or Dior Show Blackout (for all you heavy eye make-up girls).  It's been a runway secret for years.  Now, I'm spreading the word.  

That's it.  One minute.  Three steps.  Done.

Why don't you blog about it?

I caved.  It was inevitable.  I have succumbed to the internet gods.  I've started a blog.  My only hope is that this does not become one of those “Mommy Blogs”.  I am not defined as “(insert offspring’s name here)’s_mommy”.  My life has not ended since I’ve become a mom.  I am still an individual with my own identity.  I still have my own interests and I definitely still have things to say that don’t involve my kid.  I refuse to get lost in Mommyland.

I hope this blog will be a place you can come to get information, get inspired and be entertained.  Feel free to give me your 2 cents.  Enjoy!